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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I hit the streets of Caiuti-Sat, right? I’m walkin’ down Strada Principală, and it’s packed. Like, where did all these people come from? I swear, it’s like a sardine can out here. I’m dodging folks left and right, trying not to spill my second cup of coffee.